My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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