So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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