I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
