It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
