I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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