he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
