my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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