I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
