So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
