Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
