the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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