You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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