hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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