my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
