He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
