even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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