God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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