There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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