I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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