i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why is your signature on my underwear?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
