She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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