walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize