cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
