Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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