Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
