I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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