I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
