Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
that may or may not have been my penis.
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