His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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