I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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