Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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