He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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