I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
These tits shall not be calmed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
