But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
