Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
