Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
