you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
