just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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