For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
