True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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