nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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