jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
