I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
