he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
