You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
