how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need a burrito and a hug.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
