Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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