A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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