I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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