I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
