Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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