I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm too high and old for this...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
