Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize