Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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