so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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