how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
