i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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