tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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