im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
