i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
