Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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