Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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